I heard we made out
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
