I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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