THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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