i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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