One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
