maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Randomize
