is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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