so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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