yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
