as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
