You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
