I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
