Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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