Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Can I color on your dick again?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
