Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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