what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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