I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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