I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
