remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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