I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
