I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
