I am in a vortex of obligation.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
