So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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