Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
