Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
