you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
