did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
