my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
