There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I enjoy the company of your penis
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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