Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
