someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
