There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
