Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
