Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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