I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
