oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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