Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
