The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
