once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
