I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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