I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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