My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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