got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
