New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
