if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
it's not cheating when I paid for it
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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