Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
two words: eviction party
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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