you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
When are your genitals available?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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