Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
