Only a mothe r could love this liver
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
how does that bad decision feel?
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