I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
