3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
