Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
